Listen Up!

Last week, I sat in a courtroom with a young friend of mine who testified about the years of sexual abuse she endured from her father. She was brave and strong and told her truth and her father was found guilty and will be sentenced in June. While I sat and listened to her story, I wondered if I would have been able to do the same. She is mere 17 years old while I am 44 and I still don't think I have the bravery that she does. I have told some of my story but not all of it, I don't know if I ever will. When I first reported my abuse as a child I wasn't believed. When my "parents" found out I had told family secrets I received an extra dose of a beating. As I got older and began to drink and use drugs, my stories of abuse were met with, "well, she's a drunk...she's an addict...she's crazy." Maybe I was all those things but that didn't change the fact that I was a victim of abuse. Here's the thing about growing up in a small town (and I mean small...800 small) everyone knows your business. After my "parents" were found to be embezzling from my childhood church, suddenly everyone believed the things I had been saying all along. Some people told me they knew about the abuse but didn't know what to do. I think that made me more angry than anything. There are a lot of things about growing up in small town that I loved but there are some things that were less than ideal. For instance, I know a man who lives in that same small town who is a rapist. I'm not the only one who knows this yet it's ignored because it happened a long time ago when he was a kid (he was 18). This is the kind of stuff that makes me insane. Just because you know someone in a certain way doesn't mean they can't be different around other people. There are very few people who know the real Teri, my circle is small and I keep certain things close to my heart. Some people would describe me as an asshole and they would be right. Some would describe me as kind-hearted and tender and, as much as I hate that description, they would be right too. I guess my point here is that we need to listen. Not just to kids but to anyone who reports abuse. Statistics show that false reporting of sexual assault is between 2%-10% (Yan & Chavez, 2018). Remember this may also include reports that police deem false because there is not enough corroborating evidence. We have to do better by our children. Hitting your child is not discipline. Its abuse. If you hit an adult the same way you hit your child you would be arrested for assault. I was a drunk, I was an addict, and I may have been crazy but I am also a survivor of abuse. I now wear that label proudly because I did survive and with people who love me and a great therapist, I can thrive. I also know that I am very privileged to have this help. Please be a beacon to those kids who are almost out of chances and who are giving up on the world around them. Show them that we can be better and they can too.


Yan, H. & Chavez, N. (2018, October 3). Trump says its a 'scary time' for men. Here are the stats on   false sexual assault claims. CNN.