Anniversaries for Quitters

I had my first conscious, meant to, drink when I was 11. I started binge drinking at 14. By the time I was 18 I was regularly blacking out. I went to rehab the first time at age 22. I have been in and out the rooms ever since. I never expected to live past age 25. I have no idea how to be 44. I expected my rock bottom would be Motley Crue level drunkenness followed up with a line of coke, a bong hit, and a night (Or several) in jail. Instead, I became a housewife and stay-at-home Mama who occasionally drank more than I should and maybe when the doctor prescribed 2 pills, I took 4 (or 6...let’s be honest). I didn’t expect it to be my last drink when I had that last drink. I went to an event, drank half a beer and then told my friend Sarah I was tired of feeling like shit and I quit. It was a few months later that I realized it might be more of a problem than I thought. So, I went back in those rooms and listened to the stories from the old timers and tried to work the program the right way. I did all the things I thought were stupid when I was 22. I got a sponsor, I’m working that steps (slowly but surely), and I’m sober. Completely fucking sober for 364 days today. I’m grateful today. I’m grateful for everyone that supported me and everyone who doesn’t quite understand but still supported me. I’m grateful for the life I get to live and experience. My mom died at age 54 from alcoholism. That’s ten years older than I am right now. I don’t want my son to wonder why I chose booze and drugs over him. I chose him. I chose me. I chose this life full of it’s really intense fucking feelings (so many fucking feelings)! I’ve learned more about myself in the last year than I have in the last 44. Take that how you will, some of that shit I could have done without. 364 days later, here I am. I am raw. I am scared. I am hopeful. I am thankful. I am loved. I am blessed.

Comments

  1. Gramma Kathie HeapsJuly 26, 2019 at 9:43 PM

    You are indeed...loved. Forever!!! So very proud of you.

    ReplyDelete
  2. UnknownJuly 26, 2019 at 10:29 PM

    I never knew, not that I should, bu tut ni am.glad and Happy for you! Congratulations Teri!! Job well done, in more ways than one!! Godspeed, Erika

    ReplyDelete
  3. UnknownJuly 26, 2019 at 10:53 PM

    What an amazing strength you have here's to many more 364's

    ReplyDelete

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