The incredibly true adventures of me

Last week, I sat in a courtroom with a young friend of mine who testified about the years of sexual abuse she endured from her father. She was brave and strong and told her truth and her father was found guilty and will be sentenced in June. While I sat and listened to her story, I wondered if I would have been able to do the same. She is mere 17 years old while I am 44 and I still don't think I have the bravery that she does. I have told some of my story but not all of it, I don't know if I ever will. When I first reported my abuse as a child I wasn't believed. When my "parents" found out I had told family secrets I received an extra dose of a beating. As I got older and began to drink and use drugs, my stories of abuse were met with, "well, she's a drunk...she's an addict...she's crazy." Maybe I was all those things but that didn't change the fact that I was a victim of abuse. Here's the thing about growing up in a small town (and I...

Yesterday was a scary day for me yet I felt oddly calm. I told my therapist that I was worried that I wasn't worried enough. She reminded me that I have an incredibly strong support system and a strong faith. I laughed and said, "I'm not sure how your relationship with God works but mine is something like this, "Seriously, Lady?! I get my shit together and now I might have cancer?!" The good news is, I don't have cancer. The better news is, my sisters of support (there are some brothers there too), my beloved, and my boy are all there. I spent not one moment yesterday (or the day before or today) feeling alone because I know that I am loved. I haven't always felt this way and I haven't always had friends who had my best interests in mind. Let's also be honest, I didn't always give a shit either. There have been people in my life that were there for what I needed. I'm an addict, I'm manipulative, and I can be a real asshole. For the fir...

Hi kids,  Welcome to the new blog. I'm going to jump right in to overshare because that's usually how I roll. I've been riding the struggle bus as of late and decided I don't want to ride alone so I'm inviting you all along for the ride. On July 27, 2018, I had my last drink. I took my first intentional drink at age 11. I started drinking regularly when I was 14. Over the years there were times when I drank constantly and there were times when I was a binge drinker. Since becoming a mama five years ago, I cut my drinking significantly but I was still using alcohol as a coping mechanism. Over the years, I started adding other substances, Xanax, weed, narcotics, anything that fell into my hot little hands. Here's the deal, when you grow up in an abusive household with shit parents, you never learn those coping mechanisms that other people learn. You learn to hide any vulnerability because it's a weakness and any weakness puts you at risk. So, you act tough, ...