How Did This Happen?
Tomorrow, I will be 45 years old. This age is sticking in my craw. Forty-five is the age I think when someone asks me how old my parents are. They are 45. Forty-five is the age of an adult. I am lucky most days if I feel 17. I honestly did not think I would live past the age of 25. I remember in 2000, when I turned 25, thinking, “This is my last year. I better enjoy it.” I see other people who are 45 and they seem grown up and mature and I don’t see that in myself. So, whether I like it or not, I’m going to be 45. Here are some of the things I’ve learned in 45 years:
1. People will love you. People will hate you. None of it has anything to do with you.
2. There is no rule that you have to have a relationship with someone who is related to you by blood.
3. Family is what you make it. Very little of my family is related by blood but they love me for everything that I am.
4. Get yourself a best friend who tells you the truth, even when you don’t want to hear it. Especially when you don’t want to hear it.
5. Don’t forget the people who have always been there.
6. Read about politics and religion and make your own decisions. Don’t believe something because your parents did.
7. If you have had a relationship with your higher power and it fell apart. You owe it to yourself to give it one more chance.
8. People who have stickers on their car identifying the type of dog they have are the worst drivers on the planet.
9. You were stupid when you were a teenager and your teenager is stupid now. There is no exception.
10. Losing a parent is something you can never prepare for and you never get over.
11. Go to therapy. It doesn’t matter if you’re perfectly happy. Go to therapy.
12. Never buy generic peanut butter. It tastes like ass.
13. No one knows what they are doing, some people are just better at faking it.
14. Take care of your back. Old people are mostly cranky because their back hurts.
15. You have to meet people where they are.
15. The greatest gift you can give anyone is grace.
16. Laugh a lot. If the people around you don’t make you laugh, you’re around the wrong people.
17. Marry someone that you don’t just love. Marry someone that you like. Marry someone that you would be friends with even if you weren’t married.
18. Ditch the vanity and pride. At some point the people who love you will see you at your worst and it’s easier to ask for help when you’re not worried about what they think.
19. If you’re doing anything too much and it’s causing problems in other people’s lives. Get help.
20. Love your kid the way you wish you would have been loved. Break any old, negative cycles.
I thought at 45 I would know stuff and all I really know is that I have a lot to learn. This birthday I am the same age as my Mom was in one of my favorite photos of her. This is the photo that hangs in my son’s room. The one that sits in a place of honor in my home. I looked at it today, compared our faces. I see a lot of Diane in my face and I’ve always loved that but today, I saw a lot of Teri (and a little bit of Leo) and I was really happy to see it.
1. People will love you. People will hate you. None of it has anything to do with you.
2. There is no rule that you have to have a relationship with someone who is related to you by blood.
3. Family is what you make it. Very little of my family is related by blood but they love me for everything that I am.
4. Get yourself a best friend who tells you the truth, even when you don’t want to hear it. Especially when you don’t want to hear it.
5. Don’t forget the people who have always been there.
6. Read about politics and religion and make your own decisions. Don’t believe something because your parents did.
7. If you have had a relationship with your higher power and it fell apart. You owe it to yourself to give it one more chance.
8. People who have stickers on their car identifying the type of dog they have are the worst drivers on the planet.
9. You were stupid when you were a teenager and your teenager is stupid now. There is no exception.
10. Losing a parent is something you can never prepare for and you never get over.
11. Go to therapy. It doesn’t matter if you’re perfectly happy. Go to therapy.
12. Never buy generic peanut butter. It tastes like ass.
13. No one knows what they are doing, some people are just better at faking it.
14. Take care of your back. Old people are mostly cranky because their back hurts.
15. You have to meet people where they are.
15. The greatest gift you can give anyone is grace.
16. Laugh a lot. If the people around you don’t make you laugh, you’re around the wrong people.
17. Marry someone that you don’t just love. Marry someone that you like. Marry someone that you would be friends with even if you weren’t married.
18. Ditch the vanity and pride. At some point the people who love you will see you at your worst and it’s easier to ask for help when you’re not worried about what they think.
19. If you’re doing anything too much and it’s causing problems in other people’s lives. Get help.
20. Love your kid the way you wish you would have been loved. Break any old, negative cycles.
I thought at 45 I would know stuff and all I really know is that I have a lot to learn. This birthday I am the same age as my Mom was in one of my favorite photos of her. This is the photo that hangs in my son’s room. The one that sits in a place of honor in my home. I looked at it today, compared our faces. I see a lot of Diane in my face and I’ve always loved that but today, I saw a lot of Teri (and a little bit of Leo) and I was really happy to see it.
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