Learning as we go

I have been an autism mama for almost four years now and I have learned a lot but certainly not everything. I went into Leo’s kindergarten year thinking that I knew what to expect and how things would go but I was mostly unpleasantly surprised. The move to kindergarten has been rough. Leo and I have both struggled. There is more structure and less play. There is a longer day and more time sitting and listening. I’m not a five year old with autism and I have trouble sitting still and listening. There are days that Leo comes home from school and he’s just exhausted emotionally and physically. Imagine being in a room that is too loud, too bright, too much everything and you can’t effectively tell people how you feel or what you need. Most of the time when a kid acts out it’s not because they are bad it’s just a form of communication. We have seen more behaviors from Leo this year than we have before and it’s frustrating. I remind myself that, as hard as it is for me, it’s even harder for him. This boy makes me so proud every day. He pushes himself to do his best and even if that doesn’t meet everyone’s standards, I’m still proud. It’s like we say in A.A., we practice progress, not perfection. So, while I will continue to equip Leo with all the tools I can to help him succeed here is what I won’t do: I won’t ask him to stop doing things that help him regulate his body like jumping and humming. This isn’t any different than a kid who taps their foot or cracks their knuckles. I will not demand he make eye contact and I will make sure no one else does either. Eye contact makes you comfortable, it doesn’t make him comfortable. He doesn’t need to do it. I will not even begin to have conversations about what is normal. I’m around a lot of kids. My friends have a lot of kids. I see a lot of kids when I pick up Leo from school. If you think your kid is normal, you are lying to yourself. Every single kid is weird and has quirks. We have this irrational need to put kids in a box. To take away their individuality. Personally, I’m sick of it. Kids are honest and kind until we come in and fuck it up. Let your kids fail, let them struggle, let them learn lessons. Make sure they know that home and their parents are a safe space. As adults, we know how hard it is to pretend to be some we’re not. So, why are we asking our kids to do it? I’m done. I want my kid to be happy...that’s all. Happy, content, loved, comfortable in his own skin. That’s a gift I can give him by not allowing other’s ideas about “normal” to influence him. We’re doing it our way over here. We hope you join us in letting your weirdness out.